Fabulous at 40

I will admit the idea of turning 40 is not sitting well with me.  I make noise when I stand up, I have pains that never go away, I  have learned how much ibuprofen I can take, and wrinkles are appearing in places I wish they were not!!

I hate what is happening!!  I hate that I have become a fan of Botox (yep I get Botox), and that I am a sucker for any product that says it reverses aging!!  I spend countless amounts of time washing my face, putting on age reducing serums, wearing hats to prevent sun wrinkles and still the wrinkles are coming despite my best efforts to stop them.

 I despise all these unwanted changes to my 40 year old body, but with wrinkles comes wisdom and I do love a few lessons I have learned over the last 40 years, and really love a few I have learned over the last few months!! I am getting to know who I am now.  This process has not been an easy road for me, in fact sometimes it is really lonely.  I come from a family that may be a little on the outspoken, aggressive side, and tend to want to be in charge of most situations.  As with anything this can be a really great attribute, or can cause a lot of problems.  I rub some people the wrong way.  I have always said if you like me you really like me, and if you hate me you really hate me.  I claimed I just wanted to know which one it was so I could adjust, and be OK either way.  Truth is,  I was  lying,  I wanted to be liked, and I wanted to be what I think everyone wanted me to be.  Turns out, I am not good at being what I think others expect me to be, and really not good at hiding my feelings about it.  I have felt ashamed for being sad or being angry.  I have tried to bury my hurt feelings and frustrations, but as I did I kept finding myself more miserable!

Good news is....   Things are changing for me......  I remember months ago crying and having J stare at the women he knew before, the strong, confident, happy one, look just lost.  He kept telling me to figure out what would make me happy and go after it. I felt hopeless, and knew I needed a change.  Something had to change, but mostly, I had to change.  I explored school, I explored a job, I kept looking at different opportunities trying to figure out what was best for me.

YAY...   I am strong now, I am happy, I am confident in who I am, and can look at my life and admit it is just as I would want it to be.   Looking back, I knew I had a good life, but I was so unhappy in it.  I felt like a sham, I felt like a slave to my responsibilities, my family and my children.  I desired something different and knew that J and my kids needed to be a part of it so I took action, remembering to choose things that would strengthen my relationships with them.   These are the few of the lessons I learned and acted upon that changed my life...

My favorite brand, LIFE CHANGING

1.  I feel like I have finally learned to let things go, and took charge of my health!  I can be in charge when I really want to, or I can let others take the lead when that is what is best for me, or them.  I will admit, my ability to calm down and let things go comes from the discovery of a natural supplement targeting the adrenal system. These pills  have changed my life,  J loves Adrena (a nickname given to my sister by her husband after I helped her discover adrenal pills)!!  I take the supplement and it evens out my moods, it is like magic.  Yes I have moods,  and I still get angry and sad, but getting my adrenal system working and processing my hormones and stress has given me the ability to control my emotions, and most importantly, the ability to prevent my blood from boiling!  (i think this really happens, sometimes i would get so mad i literally felt like my blood was boiling,  i felt out of control, i screamed at my kids and j, and sometimes other people, i do not miss this feeling)

I also know that being able to calm down and relax has helped tremendously in my ability to fly on a plane without spending the whole ride choosing the moment the plane will go down.  Cool as a cucumber I am these days:)







2.  I started traveling.  I realized there is a large world out there and I love it.  There are people who do things differently, believe differently, and I love them.  I love the different perspectives, I love to take my beliefs and theirs and find common ground.  I love that LOVE is a driving force no matter where you are! Traveling has changed me for the better and I hope to continue to find adventure and new people as often as I can.  The decision to go with J to China has been one of the best decisions I have ever made!!

 3.  I found old friends.   This is the part that can get a little tricky,  I have a few great friends and I love them, and  I believe they genuinely love who I am.

 I have some friends that I am now guarded towards, I hide frustration and hurt from, and try to avoid confrontation and really them, at all costs.  I do not know how to be in a relationship without putting all the cards on the table.  If I am mad, you will know, if I am sad, you will know.  Sadly, over the years I have earned a reputation as a confrontational person, I have been labeled as a mean girl.  I have been told by people who have moved into my neighborhood that they were instructed  to never cross me, I was the scary girl of my street!!  I started to believe them.

And then I broke, and all this landed me in therapy.  Not kidding!!  I believed I was loyal, I would do anything for anyone, and I shared my feelings with my friends instead of behind their backs.  I did confront problems (because with kids and interaction problems occur) and I did it in a way that I thought worked, but I learned that what was working for me clearly wasn't working for others.  So my solution became to put people on "my dead island" .  No interaction, no vulnerability, no hurt to me.  I have become "the kinder gentler Jen" and have strived to have no confrontation over the last year. Truth is, I have shut  people out  and function as little as I have to with most of the people around me.  I don't want to hurt anyone, I love them, but I cannot fit in the mold that I perceive I need to fit in to be liked.  In therapy, I learned that I needed to figure out my feelings and be confident in them, I needed to voice my opinion when needed and be OK if others do not agree with me.  I need to be who I was all along, not the version I was creating in my head.

So back to my first statement,  I found my friends!  I reconnected with girls I grew up with. Turning 40, and a dinner to see each other after a lot of years, turned into a girls trip to celebrate all of our "big birthdays"  This is the best present I could have ever given myself, and worth all the darn wrinkles!!

These girls were there and experienced me growing up. They know I was bossy from the beginning.  I remember one of them saying "make Jen your partner she will do all the work because she likes to be in charge".   She was right and they used my need to control to their  benefit, Smart!!  They know I talk a lot, and that I am a little high maintenance, or maybe a lot high maintenance.  They know I can be feisty, and have had many confrontations with me over the years, and at the end of it all,  They still love me!!  They know me, and they love me just the way I am.  They accepted me then, they accept me now, and I have no doubt they will accept me always.  I feel at home for the first time in 20 years.  Everything that I have hid from regarding my childhood and upbringing are part of who I am, and actually I like who I am.  I will defend you, and be a fierce friend to you,  I will love you and I will never leave you, I will tell you when I am hurt and I will apologize when I hurt you.   I am grateful for 6 girls, who after 20 years still love me.  I cannot speak for all women, but for me, I need friendship.  I need the ability to relate to other women, to vent, and to be fearful.  I need to feel like someone is on my side even if my side is on a crazy train!  I need to be me completely, I need to feel loved regardless of my good qualities or my bad.  I need to be me, 100% and with these girls that is what I get to be! It Feels Amazing!!!

7 girls went to Florida,  7 girls picked up a friendship after 20 years like nothing had changed.  7 girls cried together and caught up on our lives together.  We mended hearts, we gave encouragement to those that needed it and recreated a bond that will never be lost again.  I celebrate our differences, I celebrate our achievements, and I celebrate a friendship that is so deep it is standing the test of time.  Thank you for not giving up on me.   I  needed you this year.  I needed the friendship that I found and the love I feel.

I am doing great!!  I am learning Moderation applies to all things and I am living my life based on what I believe, and not what others believe.  I feel confident, happy and at peace.

 I love J.  I love he is by my side, happy, sad, or crazy.  I am grateful that he is excited for my friendships found, and grateful he encouraged me to find happiness.

Traveling... Friendship... my Kids... Family... and  J.  Life is good!!  I am ready to be me, some from the past, and some from the present, and excited to see the progress I can make in the future.  In Asia, this last year I fell in love with the art of meditation.  I will master this, I will continue to grow and continue to improve and continue to Love those around me as I do.

To my friends:

I love you, thank you for loving me back!  You have brought me so much joy in the last few months.  I have laughed until it hurt and I have been nurtured and accepted.  You are a gift and I will treasure you always!

Jen.

Rocky Pointe Recap....

First thing...... No Bugs!!!  OK, maybe a cricket or two but they were outside by the elevators and nowhere near our condo.  Huge Sigh of relief!!   This also meant  no excessive screaming from me which was a win for everyone involved!!

Really we had a great trip!!!!  Everything that I hoped for was there:  Friends, warm water, clean beaches, fun pools, lots of tortillas, warm sunshine, and a relatively easy trip (as easy as trips are with kids involved).

Now with kids...   For me a vacation with my children is not really what I consider a vacation.  It is a trip with a lot of work to get ready, a lot of work while you are there, and a lot of work when you come home.  But with this work, comes fun memories and moments to relax as a family.  These moments don't last long, because as soon as they feel like we aren't doing anything they become very very hungry, and very very bored.  Maybe I should change my name on vacation from Mom to Roxy, and then I wouldn't be responsible for their hunger or their boredom:)   I am grateful that my kids are older now, they all swim, (years of screaming through swimming lessons is paying off)  and I can sit by the pool without spending every minute trying to actually keep them alive. That little detail is a huge win in life!!!

Now part of the reason I loved this trip was we had lots of family and friends.  This acted as a boredom eliminator!  As J, likes to call me "Jen the Joiner",  I invite everyone to everything, so it turned out we had a pretty big crowd.  I do have to admit my favorite people of the trip (and my sister too:)  were the ones who pulled the trailer filled with paddle boards, volleyball nets, shade structures, sand toys, and on and on.  I will forever invite them everywhere we go because not only do I really love them as people, I LOVE all the entertainment they bring with them.  I love to paddle board, and the water in Mexico had no waves to speak of

so it is perfect paddle board water!!!!   Clearly, If you know me, you know I like to be entertained, (probably why I have birthed children who like to be entertained) so the endless activities to do was so fabulous!!

We spent hours on the beach enjoying each others company, all the fun games my favorite people brought, and employed all the workers around making bracelets, taking the kids on banana boat rides, braiding hair, cutting mangoes, and making burritos.
 Pure bliss, I tell you!!!

Now any trip wouldn't be a trip I was on without some type of mishap.  Unfortunately, this mishap involved me, a paddle board, and my Dior sunglasses from Venice, Italy.  I will admit I was convinced I had this paddle board thing down.  Ive done it in Florida, California, Arizona and in some pretty rough waters.  I haven't fell, so I  thought I never would.  That may have been true except.....  when you take a sea current, put two paddle boarders in it, and let them bump into each other, someones going down.  I was knocked right off my paddle board where I belonged:(  A little taste of humble sea water!   The truth is, I came up with my glasses on, but I put them on my head because they were so spotted I couldn't see through them.  At some point they silently fell into the water!!!!   I am crazy,  I admit it.  I spent hours, I mean hours combing the sea like I was searching for a missing person.  I mapped the area in my head and spent all my time one day going back and forth looking for my missing treasure.  I offered my own kids money to find them, random people on the beach money to find them, and upped the reward each day.  Every time a sunglasses salesman came up the beach I combed his inventory looking for my glasses!  I was sure I could find them!

They are just sun glasses, but they were from Venice, my favorite place on the planet, and I don't ever buy sunglasses.  I lose them, I know this, and so I have spent almost a year working so hard not to lose this pair.  In one instance gone!!!!!!  I also will admit, that I was a beast the rest of the day to J, who did not lose my sunglasses but also didn't give me the sympathy I thought I deserved for the tragedy that had occurred.  What a waste of emotion, they are sunglasses!!! The other point I should make is...   for all the tragedies I imagined that could happen to us in Mexico losing my sunglasses was comparable to breaking a nail.  So minor!!!

My kids came home, told their friends I lost my glasses and I realized the most talked about thing from the trip was my missing sunglasses.  I quickly knew this wasn't what I wanted to remember about our spring break.  I lost my glasses, sad!!  But, I spent time with my family and friends doing all the things I love most.  I love warm sunshine, clean beaches, warm water, paddle boards, family and friends.  It was the perfect Spring Break and a tradition that will last for years to come.  I really can't wait to go back!!!   Join us..... Next March, Spring Break 2016!!

What happens in China......

One of the biggest challenges for me traveling, is time.  Time to plan, time to pack, time to prepare the kids, and actually finding open time to go somewhere.  I seem to be experiencing this same dilemma over and over with my writing.  With my oldest involved in preparation for an upcoming competition, I find myself in preparation of  a lot of food!!  I hope days like today where I put writing at the top of my "to do" list, I won't choose to give up on this blog.   I want to be able to look back in 20 years and see what differences I can find in myself, and have a great journal of all the places I have been and the memories I made.   I have quite a few trips on the books, from a Rocky Point Spring Break, (as I write Rocky Point, I think why don't they call it Beautiful Mexican Ocean instead of Rocky Point which makes me think it may be a "rocky" Trip!!)   to Thailand in Spring, to a girls trip with grade school friends for all of our 40th Birthdays.  I am excited for all the adventure ahead as well as the relationships that are strengthened spending time with family and friends.  I really do appreciate all the kind words encouraging me to keep on writing.  It helps me to put this as a priority, and to that I say, Thanks!!!!!  It's easy to get overrun being a Mom and Wife,  but I am grateful for all the places I have been and all the time you have given taking a moment to read about it!!

Now clearly "what happens in China" has not stayed in China.  I am ready to sum up this trip with  pictures and some explanations to go along with them........

After landing, almost getting kidnapped by a "fake Taxi driver" (see last post) and settling in we began to wander the streets of Beijing.   One of my favorite memories happened in this shop.  I couldn't resist the art gallery and the owner inside as he spent an hour telling me the meaning of each painting he had, and how it related to me being beautiful and J being a lucky man.  Come on, I should go here everyday!!!  What a great way to build some self esteem.  Now he may have just been trying to sell me something, which clearly worked, but either way I loved the time and all the stories behind the different paintings in the shop.

             

After my time with 

 this very sweet Gallery owner, we headed to the Forbidden City.  Upon arrival we quickly decided to hire one of the tour guides stalking us, and promising front of the line and special viewing of the city.  This turned out to be a great idea because there was so much history and meaning throughout the city that we would have never known without the tour guide to inform us.  I personally can't hear worth a darn,  I actually think its because I am always looking around and forget to listen, but either way, a tour guide speaking directly to me and answering my questions worked in my benefit.  These days I prebook tour guides so I can read reviews on them and schedule them for when we are interested in visiting a specific location.  
(side note, The Forbidden City to me is really a large compound in the City of Beijing)                                              

I learned quickly that in Asia, everything means something.  The Lions were one of my favorites and I will forever look at them differently.  Don't be surprised when I have a pair guarding my front door!!

 FYI,  the Emperor chose all the colors of his structures, Red being a predominant one because of the meaning of happiness, wealth and honor.  No one else in the whole city could use that color and so even today most of the buildings are just gray.

And, the lady Lion is placed on the Right of all buildings because the Lady is always right :) Not sure this isn't just what our Lady Tour Guide decided!

Brilliant idea having a moat around your "City"  Keeps out the Family who want to kill you for your title and makes for some pretty scenery.

Doesn't look so bad????
Wrong, it was!  I tried it to be adventurous because the second cart was so far out of my ability to gag down.  Clearly I am not cut out for Fear Factor!  Good thing I had a whole bag of protein bars and protein shakes with me that kept me alive in China!

                                                   How is this even Sanitary?????
                            Fish, squid, random bugs,  just in the open air for you to enjoy!!!

OK, the picture above tells quite a story.  We again hired a tour guide to take us to the Great Wall of China.   Side note,  J is not interested in large party tours.  He prefers a private tour if at all possible.  We asked the bell man at our hotel to help us book the tour guides upon our arrival late the night we came in.  He quickly informed us that he could get us a better deal booking it himself and not with the hotel.  No surprise, I grilled him for 30 minutes about our safety with his tour.  He assured me that we would be fine which we were, but I am confident I will never leave that to chance again.  I have become a firm believer in reviews and pre booking all tours.

So here is the thing.  In my inability to catch on quickly, our guides enticed us with all types of invitations to view pottery factories, silk factories, etc.  I said yes thinking how amazing to get a glimpse into the factories in China.  What I didn't realize is these were going to be high pressured sales situations to get you to buy pottery and silk.  I will admit the pottery was beautiful and amazing how it was made. It took hours to lay the wiring and painting on the pots, but it was so expensive! Like $1200.00 expensive.  My eyes opened to the fact that not everything in China was going to be a smoking deal!!!

Unfortunately,   I am admitting I ate this.... Silk Worm Poop!!!  I doubt the girl at the front desk of the Silk Factory ever gets tired of watching Americans eat poop.  Note to self.... when someone asks you if you want to try something, ask more questions first.  I never ever wanted to be the person who can say they have eaten poop!!!!

Ohh....... The Summer Palace.   I am pretty sure I need one of these!  They used the waters for military training but also to enjoy during their summer stays.  I am intrigued by the contradiction of the Forbidden City and the cold feeling it had in an effort to defend the Emperor, and the casualness of the Summer Palace.  (An example being the Forbidden City had no plants within the walls so no one could hide behind them.)  Seems like even the Emperor needed some time to get away and relax and forget about all the problems that come with running a dynasty.

The Great Wall was a "bucket list" adventure.  It is fascinating that throughout time, massive walls have been built to keep countries divided and threats out of their borders.  It is even more fascinating the time and effort it took to put these walls up.  I would not volunteer to help on this project for sure!!!!

The Great Wall offers the option of taking a chair lift up which I gladly accepted and an even better option of taking a bobsled down.  The line was totally worth the experience on both!

This one below is the best!!  Our tour guides were a cute girl from Mongolia who spoke OK English and a young male driver who spoke No English.  It was a particularly warm day and in the back of the car I was getting car sick.  I asked our guide to turn on the air and she promptly rolled down the window.  Problem solved????  J, quickly turned it into a joke which made me laugh, and they never did turn on the air!!  It was a hot, sour stomach kind of day.  I think by the time we visited all the sights and random factories we were in the car about 6 hours.  Bad to be in a car that long, but great to see all the city and some of the countryside.  I love seeing how people live!!

We had four flights within Asia.  On the flight from Beijing to Shanghai, our pilot in very broken English informed us he would do his best to land safely!!!!!!

Can you believe I stayed on the plane???????  I kept thinking as I tried to laugh off the situation that I really wish he would have said, "We will land at your destination safely and without incident".


I really hoped his BEST was really, really, good!!!!











In Asia the amount of buildings in unreal.  I also could not quit thinking about the contradiction they provided.  You would have streets lined with high brand name designer stores and people walking around dressed to perfection.  You would then have buildings not even an ally distance behind them that were run down housing that went on for miles!!!  I can not even begin to describe the amount of apartment looking buildings that seemed to go on forever.  Such examples of wealth and poverty right in front of you!  There was also so many people who were begging for money and so many that had serious body deformations.  Legs going the wrong way, hands seriously deformed and on and on.  It broke my heart and made me so grateful for the health care we have.  I know our system is far from perfect, but what we have is an amazing blessing.

This is the life of a factory worker in China.  Good thing, no children and no poor quality working conditions at this factory!!!!  They did live on premises, worked 12 hr. shifts, 7 days a week, and had all their food provided.  During Chinese New Year, this factory closes for almost a month to have employees travel home to visit family.  I am sure the factories you hear about with horrible conditions were all around, but I was glad to see ones like this are there too!!  It is amazing how hard they work and how good these workers attitudes were!

Chinese Carpool..... See how many kids you can fit on a scooter???  I saw up to four kids on a scooter, sometimes asleep!!  Impressive how you work with what you have.  My kids feel squished in a suburban, I realize they are spoiled living in America.

My only traditional Chinese lunch.  J, asked for a vegetarian for me and I am still impressed how they can make vegetables so dang slimy!!  Might as well be fish! PS I'm not a vegetarian but I am an extremely picky meat eater.  We figured Vegetarian was safer.  Not sure it was!!

Burger Anyone??????????????????

OK, how about a Poo Poo Smoothie????  

I guarantee no where in the world has street entertainment like Asia.  There were exotic fish in bags lining the streets, all kinds of seafood in buckets and street performers that still make me giggle when I think about them.  Imagine the worst dancing person you know, add crazy music, and you can have a show.  I could have stared for hours!!!

Seafood anyone????????

Best street performers ever!!!!! When I go back to Hong Kong in April I will be looking for him and his crew.  If you see me, ask I will act out this performance, it was great!

Hong Kong was breathtaking on the Island!

Shanghai's architecture was unreal, If there is a competition for the most amazing buildings, they are kicking some booty.  (Park reminded me of Central Park in New York.)

He was back to happy in 10 minutes!

OK, this will be a story J wishes I would not share but....... I  shall give you the shortened version because it is really his story.   We arrived in Shanghai and started our normal "walk the streets" to see what we could find.  We are at this point in our third city and pretty aware of Chinese culture.  We maneuvered the streets through so many people I couldn't even begin to describe it, and it feels like everyone of them is touching you they are so close, kind of like ants!  Even in areas where there was space they would stand next to you, literally touching.  Eventually, J lost it!!   There was a taxi that decided just like the people, to push his way through with his car.  He literally hit J, and I saw red flash in J's eyes and fear flash in the little Chinese drivers eyes.  J's hands went on the hood as he began to get ready to demonstrate what road rage looks like, when I quickly grabbed him to move on.  We spent the next 30 minutes talking about if we were separated, what I should do.  The people walking on the streets are like a brick wall.  There is no space, you just move with the flow of the people.  I was over it by the time we left and have never been so grateful for my personal space!!!!

This picture was in Shanghai and significant because after our need to get off the streets of crazy busy people, the hop on hop off bus was the perfect solution.  We didn't really do much hopping off after we hopped on!

I Loved the traditional Buildings.

Robot Restaurant in Tokyo, recommended by Anthony Bourdain travelchannel.com Worth a visit!! No real reason for anything they do, but highly entertaining in a weird way! 

Robot Restaurant 

When we were in Tokyo so was President Obama.  It was unreal how the city shut down for him.  There was the National Anthem blaring through the streets and hundreds of police bussed in to protect his car as he went for sushi.  Not sure any other leaders get the treatment from us that he was shown!

My trip to Asia has memories I will never forget.  I am happy to have gone, happy to have lived through it and happy to have crazy adventures to tell.  Sometimes when you are gone, amazing things happen, like the birth of a nephew.  In my case three of my nephews have been born while I was out of town, but I also make sure to keep in touch and go first thing to see them when I get home.

I cannot express enough how grateful I am to be overcoming fear, and traveling the world.   I look at upcoming trips with anticipation an no longer dread them.  I hope someday everyone will get a little taste of the world out there.  There really is something for us all!!!!  And I hope if you do, you tell me all about it!!!!