If you can, you must.....

I have so much to say..... (I know most of you are not shocked)

and it feels like I have so little time to devote to my writing.  I have ideas jotted down and things to remember to write about,  but it seems until I have a thought I can't get rid of, I don't make the time to sit down and write.  I think this will be how this blog goes.  I hoped to write at least 3 times a week but if I can write one or two heartfelt posts a week, I will be happier than 3 posts just to get it done.

So what has me moved this week......

J traveled without me!

I chose not to go, but it seems even when I choose not to go, I am still unhappy he is experiencing new places and I am not there with him......

Now let me tell you again, he is a patient man.  I have thrown some major fits (i hate to call them fits but really that is what they were) in his past travels.  I felt like it was unfair of him to go on a "business trip", which was business mixed with sightseeing while out of the country, while I stayed home with our kids!

Because of these feelings, It seems like every time he left the whole house melted down.  It was four against one and they took over.  I am becoming aware that it is I, who melted down, and the kids just followed my lead.  I didn't go to bed, I planned excessive projects to do while he was gone, and I tried to cover all his responsibilities as well as my own.  This lead to disaster every time!

He is the best patient!!

On top of these genius ideas by me, I have mentioned my youngest has some health issues.  He is doing much better now, but two years ago we almost lost him due to the inability to figure out what was causing all his health problems.  It turned out to be a disease called Hoshimotos.  My little boys thyroid does not work at all, and the lack of discovery was causing him numerous health concerns.

I wouldn't leave him, and I couldn't understand how J could leave him.  I lived in extreme fear everyday and night as to what he would go through.  He had breathing issues, couldn't keep any food down, slept all the time, had no energy, and I didn't know which symptom was the root cause and if any were the result of each other or a bigger problem.

My nerves were a mess!!!!!

This is where I really had to do some soul searching.  I look back and realize that I was where I needed to be.  I really couldn't have traveled back then.  My youngest was too sick and needed my care, but I also realize that is was not fair of me to expect J to halt his business travels that were providing for us, to drown in my misery with me.  My Grams always reminds me there is a season for everything, and clearly it was not my season to travel the globe.

Me and C  2014. He is my miracle!

So with all this understanding I have found, why do I still battle the need to halt his travels based on my decisions??  I think I can say a little selfishness is the reason.  I have tasted what its like out there, and I really like it.  The places I have seen and the things I have experienced are amazing.  What I need to remember is that my kids are AMAZING too.  Carpool will never be a gondola ride in Venice, but a great conversation with my kids will be right up there with it.

(unless they are complaining and then I imagine I am in a gondola in Venice and pretend I can't hear them:)

Unfortunately, sometimes things at home need one of us to be here.  I am beyond grateful that my youngest is better, and that I can travel now with J.  I am sad that I can't always go, because he goes a lot, but I can make a priority to go as much as possible.  Balance is the key, and I am still figuring this one out.

Venice is by far my most favorite place on the planet!

Why didn't I go this time????   Cold!!  I hate to be cold, and I knew it was freezing where they were headed.  I chose to stay home because I didn't want to be cold!!!!!!  I started thinking as he planned his travels that I had made a mistake.  It is one thing to not travel because my kids have a need for me, and another to not travel because I don't want to be cold.  I should have taken out my ski clothes that never get worn, because I hate to ski.... because it is cold.... and used them to tour the cities he is in!!!

In summary:

Find Balance!!!  If an opportunity presents itself to go somewhere amazing.  Take it!!!!  Stay home if there is a valid reason to miss out, but don't let fear, or discomfort be the reason for not living life!

If it is not your season, and you want it to be, figure out how to make it!!  I think that we can let anything get in our way if we want to, but I also believe there is a solution for most problems.  Determination and a little creativity can go a long ways!

If you have to miss out....

At the top of San Tan Mountains.  I worried about C the whole way up, but he did so great and beat us all!

don't stay up excessively late, try to cover everything for everyone and plan extra projects with all the free time your are not going to have.  Instead, make the best of it, and use your time  to plan another get away.  Even if its close to home adventure can be found just about anywhere!


I think these thoughts have consumed my mind this week as a reminder to myself,

If I can, I must............

I have got to write about this next..... Toilets in China!!!